
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8708839.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage, Rape/Non-Con
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Character:
      Sam_Winchester, Dean_Winchester, John_Winchester
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, First_Time, Abuse, Plot_What_Plot/Porn_Without_Plot, Season/Series
      01, Hurt/Comfort
  Collections:
      Sinful_Desire
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-12-05 Words: 6536
****** What you dont know cant hurt you ******
by Shumrahsazi [archived by sinfuldesire_archivist]
Summary
     Dean has been keeping a secret from Sam, but what he doesnt know is
     that Sam already knows his secret.
Notes
     Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally
     archived at Sinful-Desire.org. To preserve the archive, we began
     importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in
     November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted
     announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or
     know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on
     Sinful_Desire_collection_profile.
Sam sat there on the other bed watching his brother as he spoke to their father
over the phone, the knot in his stomach twisting as his rage slowly grew. Those
memories still haunted him and filled him with disgust and contempt for his
father. How could he do that? The knot twisted again forcing him to grind his
teeth and clench his fists so tight that his knuckles turned white. He could
hear the pain in Dean’s voice as he pleaded with their father, which only made
his heart sink for him.
 
“Please get to Chicago, dad. We need you on this one” Dean said with
desperation in his voice as he hung up the phone. He turned to see Sam back
prepping his weapons for tonight’s big hunt, laying out knives, guns, and holy
water, taking into account what they will need to face this demon, just like
the good little soldiers they were trained to be. “Ready for a big night” dean
said, slightly excited at possibly coming face to face with the demon that took
their mother and made their lives hell. Sam didn’t respond instead shooting
Dean a look as if Dean had just spat in his face. “Something you wanna say,
Sammy?” Dean asked, waiting for the inevitable bitching and complaints that
usually followed when Sam had that look in his eyes.
 
“This could all be over tonight” was all Sam said, still looking down at his
weapons as he released the clip from his gun before pushing it back into place
and cocking the gun. Dean just stopped and waited for his brother to continue
on, “I can go back to school and just be a person again” Sam said with a half
smirk on his face, “and you can go back to dad”. Dean felt a twinge of pain in
his heart as Sam said those words, feeling the loss that he felt 4 years ago
when Sam turned his back on him and left for Stanford. “I don’t want you to go,
Sam”, the words slipt Deans lips before he could even stop them, “you, me and
dad. I want us to be together again. We can be a family again”. Tears pricked
behind his eyes as he said those words and Dean swallowed back the lump that
had grown in his throat, looking up to Sam to meet his gaze.
 
Sam looked into Deans moss green eyes that were filled with pain and sadness,
feeling a pain he had buried long ago deep within himself. “Dean. I’d do
anything for you. But things can never go back to the way they were” Sam said,
forgetting for a moment the pain that drove him away, while he focused on deans
full lips that he had once dreamed of kissing until he thought he would pass
out. “They could be” Dean replied with a sense of longing and hope, wanting to
reach out and grab Sam holding him close to him so he could never leave him
again. “I don’t want them to be”, Sam’s words were cold and cut Dean deep, with
the steely look in his eyes that told him that Sam was set on this and wouldn’t
be swayed.
 
“What the hell, Sam!” Dean walked away resting his hands on the dingy motel
dresser before exhaling loudly his disappointment. He tuned to face his brother
again and leaned back on the dresser, “What is it with you and the old man?
You’ve had it in for him for years. He’s tried to reach out to you and all you
ever do is push him away” Dean was pissed, and new that this was just going
start an argument with Sam, but he didn’t care right now. He was tired of
having to stand between
Sam and his father, always at each other throats; he just wanted his Sammy
back. He couldn’t lose him again.
 
Sam could feel the need to reach out pull his brother into his arms quickly
being swallowed up by the rage he felt for his father, as he remembered the
last day they had spoken. The day he left for Stanford, Turning his back on his
family and not looking back.
 
……………………………………..
 
John Winchester was furious that day. His youngest was acting like a spoilt
brat, like he was better than them and didn’t belong with them. “Are you just
going to forget about what that yellow eyed bastard did to your mother?” he
spat the words out looking into his youngest son’s eyes full of hate and spite.
“How can I ever forget, when you never let us. Never gave us a chance to ever
have a normal life!” Sam was sick of all this bullshit, being treated more like
soldiers then sons in this fucked up family. Dean just paced back and forth
listening to the abuse being hurled between his father and brother, stepping in
occasionally to try and mediate the situation before it grew violent.
 
John’s fist clenched as he felt the bile rising up in his stomach and did all
he could to hold back his anger before shouting back at Sam “so you’re just
going to turn your back on this family and think that you can go off and live
some picture perfect life? You have a duty to hunt down this demon and avenge
your mother. When are you going to learn that there is no normal for us!”. Dean
saw the tension in his father’s arm and quickly rushed over to grab it before
it could be raised against his little brother. “Dad, if he wants to go off to
college, why can’t we just let him go? Maybe we will end up with a doctor in
the family” he said smugly, hoping to diffuse his father’s anger. “Stay out of
this Dean” Sam hissed as he glared at his father. “This is between me and him”
 
John ripped his arm from Dean’s tight grip and raised his hand pointing a
finger towards Sam and said almost calmly, annunciating the words for their
desired effect “you are, nothing, but an ungrateful little bastard”. The room
fell silent with those words as Dean just looked on in horror watching the
people he loved more than anything tear their family apart. Sam wanted to punch
his father and knock him to the ground, so he could straddle him and wrap his
hands around John’s thick neck and squeeze while he spat in his face that he
knew what he did. The feeling of hate was overwhelming but he knew that he was
no match for his father in a fight, so all he could do was hold back the venom
that was rising in his throat and silently walk over to the table to grab his
already packed bags.
 
Deans eyes widened in disbelief as he saw his brother grab his things from the
table and move towards the door. “Sa. Sammy. Please” the words sounded choked
and desperate as they left Dean’s mouth. He wanted to grab Sam’s arm and swing
him around to face him but was frozen with the shock of the realisation of what
was happening here. Sam’s hand reached out for the door knob as his father’s
voice called out behind him “You walk out that door. You don’t ever come back.
You hear me? Don’t ever come back!” He was already out the door before his
father could finish speaking.
 
He found his feat hesitant to move forward as he stepped out onto the motels
gravel parking lot, his father’s words sinking in, making him want to turn back
around and go back to Dean. He wanted to grab Dean and pull him out of that
room, take him with him so that they could have a life together. No more
demons. No more monsters. No more John. Just Sammy and Dean, that’s all he
really wanted and it was breaking his heart. Instead he just kept on going, his
head dropping down as the tears began to flow, mourning the loss of his brother
that he would probably never see again. Moving forward towards the bus station
with mixed emotions, feeling joy at the chance of a normal life, anguish for
the brother he loved more that he should; and hatred for the man that made them
who they are.
 
……………………………………
 
The memory was still clear in Sam’s mind, imprinted forever. And no matter how
many walls he may have built up over the years, trying to shut them out, the
pain was still the same. “Don’t!” was all Sam said as he Shot Dean a look that
could peel paint off walls before returning to pack the hunts weapons into a
bag. “Jesus Sammy. What is your problem?” he said as he pushed himself off the
dresser and moved towards his brother. He grabbed Sam’s shoulder and squeezed
gently trying calm himself down and work out what was going on with Sam.
“You’re the one who always wants to talk about our feelings in these chick
flick moments, Sammy. So why don’t you just tell me what’s up your ass”. Dean
wanted to chuckle to himself and try and lighten the mood but he could feel the
tension in Sam’s shoulder and the anger coming off him in waves of heat.
 
Sam was furious, not directly at his brother, but angry enough to lash out all
the same. He pushed Dean’s hand off his shoulder and swung around to face him,
fingers digging so hard into his palms that they broke the skin allowing blood
to flow down his clenched fists. “I saw it, Dean” Sam said in a shaky voice
that was almost a whisper. “You saw what?” Dean replied shaking his head and
rolling his eyes, half laughing at the vagueness of Sam’s statement. Sam barely
moved, fearing his legs would give out from under him as the pain welled up
from the deepest depths of his soul. Staring at Dean through the hair that had
fallen over his eyes, he spoke again “I saw what he did”. His heart grew colder
as he continued to speak, and dean looked at him with worry and confusion “I
saw what he did to you Dean!”
 
Dean’s jaw dropped at those words, sitting down onto the edge of the bed as he
felt something inside of him shrivel up and die. He dropped his head down into
his hands trying to hold back the tears that were pricking at his eyes and just
listened, waiting for his brother to say something, anything. Sam just stared
at his brother sitting with his head in his hands, his anger already
overflowing as the memories pushed to the surface, filling his eyes with hate,
unable to distinguish who was to blame in all this.
 
………………………………………….
 
Sam was 12 and Dean 16 when his family was in a small town in South Dakota,
renting an even smaller 2 bedroom house. Their father was busy trying to hunt
down a creature that had killed several hikers and campers in the woods that he
suspected to be a werewolf, and he was losing time with that night being that
last night of the full moon. They’d already been in town for the past few
months and hadn’t picked up anything in town that made them suspicious of any
of the local townspeople being the target. John had planned to go out and camp
in the woods tonight hoping he would get lucky and manage to take out the
bastard before anyone else got killed so they could move on to the next hunt.
Knowing the dangers of what he was facing he decided it would be best to leave
his sons alone in the house, telling Dean to “watch out for Sammy”, before
leaving the small town for the woods so he could set up camp before the sun
went down.
 
Sam didn’t mind being left home alone with Dean; in fact he rather enjoyed it.
They would spend a lot of time together playing cards, talking about anything,
or just watching TV curled up close to one another. It had become a pretty
normal thing for them both; they didn’t need friends because they had each
other, that was all that mattered. Lately though Sam was beginning to notice
different things about his brother, nothing that had changed really, it was
just that he was beginning to notice how beautiful his brother really was. Dean
had always been beautiful, taking a lot after their mother, with his dark
blonde hair, full soft lips, and a spattering of freckles that just accentuated
his looks. Sure dean had always been beautiful, which attracted a lot of
attention from both the girls and the guys, it was just now that Sam was really
starting to appreciate it, and even getting jealous of the attention he drew.
 
Sam got home from school and walked up the driveway to see that the impala was
gone, his father already leaving for his hunt tonight. He ran up the steps to
their front door happy to be spending the time alone with is big brother.
Walking in to see Dean sitting on the couch in front of the TV, quickly turning
his head to Sam to give him a smile and say “hey, kiddo. How was school?” Sam
blushed at the sight of Dean’s smile before dropping his bag by the door and
replying “yeah, it was fine”. Dean chuckled and called him over to the couch so
they could catch up on the events of the day.
 
After hours of talking and laughing, and general brotherly roughhousing; Dean
told Sam to grab his homework and he would help him finish it before ordering a
pizza for dinner. Sam grabbed his backpack excitedly and set out his work on
the kitchen table, even though he never really needed Deans help to get it
done, he wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to have his brother leaning
over him. He giggled as he watch Dean scratch his head over a problem that he
already had the answer for but took the time to breath in Dean’s musky scent as
he leaned in closer to examine the problem. Sam started thinking about the soft
trail of hair that had grown down Dean’s bellybutton to the waistband of his
boxers that Sam would always admire when watching his brother change, before
being snapped back to reality by Dean writing down the incorrect answer to the
problem that he had been mulling over.
 
After they had homework out of the way and finished the overly greasy pizza
from the only pizza place in town they both settled onto the couch to enjoy a
bit of TV and relax a bit before bed. Dean sitting on the furthest end with his
feet resting crossed on the old coffee table, while Sam lay across the couch
resting his head in Dean’s lap. Sam laid there staring at the TV not really
playing attention to the images that flashed across the screen; think only of
his brother and wondering how his lips would taste on his. His thoughts became
more intense as Dean rested his hand on the top of Sam’s head and began running
his fingers slowly though his hair, slowly sending him off to sleep.
 
Sam slept soundly dreaming of Dean naked in all his glory, sun shining on his
blonde hair giving it a golden appearance that only made him seem more
beautiful. He looked up at the soft lips that slightly parted allowing his
tongue to slide out gently running across his lower lip, leaving a lustrous
sheen before pulling back in at softly smiling and saying something to him that
was too quiet to be heard. Sam watched those beautiful lips mouthing a single
word, Sammy, as he was quickly woken from his dream by his brother calling his
name.
 
“Sammy, come one. You have to wake up”. Dean gently nudged Sam urging him from
his slumber has he stretched out and turned his head to look up at him with a
sleepy smile. “Come on Sammy. Let’s put you to bed” Sammy groaned at those
words, but got up begrudgingly so his brother could take him up stairs to their
bedroom. “Are you coming to bed too” Sam asked in his most innocent voice, and
giving the sad puppy dog eyes, which he knew always had Dean eating out of his
palm, but was put off by the response that he got.
 
“Sorry Sam, Dad called while you were out of it and he’s on his way back, the
hunt is finished apparently” Dean looked down and couldn’t help but smile at
the look of disappointment on his little brother face, knowing that he would do
anything for him. He pulled back the covers for Sam so he could get in and then
said “don’t worry, I’ll be up soon. I just want to make sure dad’s ok and then
I’ll be right up”, as he pulled the covers up over Sam. Sam grunted his
agreement then rolled onto his side as Dean kissed him on the top of his head
and ruffled his hair a little before getting up and moving to the door. Dean
looked back at his little brother before switching off the light and saying
“night Sammy”, getting a sleepy “night Dean” in responses as he closed the door
and headed back down stairs to wait for their father.
 
When John got back he was already pretty drunk, which was not unusual for him
and running pretty hot from the adrenalin high of his successful hunt. He
walked in the door seeing his eldest waiting for him with a first aid kit at
hand ready to help take care of any injuries that may have been sustained,
fortunately though he was lucky enough to get a clean shot and take the
werewolf out before it had even spotted him. John stared at dean for a moment
looking into those deep green eyes filled with worry, that reminded him so much
of Mary, God how he missed her. “Everything ok here?” he said still staring at
his son, “just fine dad. I’ve already put Sam to bed”. “Good, good” John
responded while nodding and moving his eyes to the floor.
 
John walked over to the couch and dropped down into it with a weary sigh and
picked up the glass of whiskey sitting on the coffee table, put there ready for
his return by Dean, and knocked back the entire glass swallowing it down as it
burned his throat. He put the glass down with a heavy thud and reached for the
bottle on the table to refill his glass.
 
Dean came over and sat with his father, worrying about him drinking so much,
knowing that it only made his father sadder with memories of happier times.
Dean watched as his father lifting the glass to his mouth downing his second
glass of whiskey, adding to how ever many drinks his father had already drunk
before getting home, thinking of how he wished he could take away all his
father’s pain and that their family could just live a normal life, and he could
keep Sammy safe. These thoughts always seem to sadden him and brought tears
welling to his eyes as he looked up to meet his father’s gaze.
 
Sam woke, not knowing how late it was and rolled over onto his back to look
over at his brother, but when he turned he found that he was alone in the bed.
Thinking Dean would probably be down stairs he decided to go down and check it
out, hoping that his father was home and might be in a good mood with the hunt
finally being over, rather than his usual cold demeanour and short temper.
Opening his bedroom door as quietly as possible he snuck out onto the landing
listening to the sounds that were coming from downstairs.
 
He could hear his father’s voice a mix of grunts and slurred words, as well as
soft groans coming from Dean as he edged closer to the banister for a better
view. Though what he saw made him step back, seeing his brother naked lying
face down on the couch unable to move as his father had one hand holding him
down by his shoulder and the other gripping the back of the couch for balance.
John ground furiously in to Dean, grunting as his pleasure built up. John was
slamming into Dean with a strong and steady force, the muscles of his ass
flexing as he pulled back and drove his cock back in. Sweat ran down his
father’s back, pooling in all the crevices of his muscles, building up speed
with animalistic grunts at his wild fucking of his eldest son.
 
Sam could only watch as the heavy muscular form of his father cried out with
release then collapsed back down on top of dean, grabbing at his hair and
pulling him into a kiss before saying with laboured breath “I love you Mary,
love you so much. Don’t ever leave me again, baby”. Sam backed away from the
shocking sight, holding his breath and trying to stop himself from crying out.
He quickly ran back to his bed and climbed in. His cock was hard straining to
escape the confines of his pyjama pants at the sight of his beautiful naked
brother, but his heart was broken by the sight of what their father had done to
Dean. So Sam pushed his face into the pillow and let the tears come as he
softly cried himself to sleep.
 
The next morning when Sam awoke he rolled over in the bed to look at his still
sleeping brother, admiring the beauty of his chiselled jaw and perfectly formed
muscles that were still growing. He smiled for a second before the memories of
the previous night began to creep in and now when he looked at his brother all
he could see was the broken shell of his brother that their father had defiled.
He could feel a heavy knot developing in his gut and all he could think about
was how much he hated his father for ruining his big brother.
 
As Sam got older the pain he felt for his brother grew stronger, as did the
hate he felt for his father grow, for hurting his brother. The one person, who
always looked after him, loved and protected him; and that he loved more than
anything on this world, his Dean. Every time he looked into Dean’s eyes he
wanted to pull his brother into his arms and hug him tight telling him that
everything would be ok. But he couldn’t, he looked at his brother now seeing
his beauty and feeling the lust rise up in him, only hating himself for feeling
like that and thinking he was no better than his father for lusting after Dean
and wanting to feel his naked skin under his hands. This went on until Sam was
18 feelings only growing stronger, lust, anger, guilt, hatred; a vicious cycle
that was consuming him.
 
He couldn’t take it any longer knowing what John was doing to dean, seeing them
together acting as if everything was ok. But he knew the truth. Nothing was ok,
and he couldn’t live like this anymore. As much as it hurt him to leave Dean
behind, he couldn’t stay there and watch as that monster put his hands all over
his dean. He would get out of there, his applications to attend Stanford
already accepted, and never have to look at his father again. The only thing
that was holding him back was Dean. “I’m so sorry Dean, I wish. I wish I was
stronger for you” Sam whispered to himself as he finally made his decision.
 
…………………………………
 
Sam stood there, the feelings of love and pain he held onto so tightly within
him were being pounded by waves of anger that came crashing down on him from
those memories. He turned his head to look again at the solemn figure sitting
on the end of the bed quietly weeping, and without thought or care he said
“That bastard touched you”. The words came out cold and harsh as Dean lifted
his head and looked at the dark figure of his brother, once so beautifully
innocent, now looking crazed and wild with rage. “No, Sammy” Dean said, his
voice cracking through his pain, “it wasn’t like that”. Sam Looked at him and
stared for a moment before asking “what did you say?” and shifting on his feet
with unease as the rage in him boiled beyond control.
 
Dean shook his head looking down on the ground unable to look into his brothers
eyes and see all the hate and pain. “You don’t know how tough things were for
us Sam; you don’t know what it was like for dad. He needed me. I couldn’t let
him suffer like that”. Sam turned away from Dean at his response and began to
pace the already worn carpet of their room, not knowing what the hell to say to
something like that. “He was lost; you can’t blame him for what he did. I let
it happen. I wanted for dad to be happy again. I wanted to make dad happy”. Sam
listened to Dean’s words but continued to pace, his mind running wild with
confusion and anger, unable to respond and not sure how to even respond to what
he was hearing.
 
Watching his brother pacing the room, Dean waited for some kind of response
from Sam, sensing his anger he knew that whatever was coming was not going to
be good. Tired of the awkward silence in the room and Sam’s constant pacing he
stood up off the bed hoping to just get the inevitable out of the way, so they
could get on with what needed to be done. He took a step towards Sam and
reached out to grab hold of him, but was suddenly met by Sam’s fist hitting him
hard in the jaw, sending him falling back onto the bed. Sam was on him before
his head was even clear enough for him to work out what hit him, striking him
again just as hard in the face as he screamed “you wanted it! You wanted his
cock inside you!” Sam’s voice was twisted with rage, barely reaching Dean as he
struggled to stay conscious. Sam was lost in his rage, forgetting himself and
all that he cared for as the adrenalin pumped through his body fuelling the
fire that was growing inside of him, just as his cock began to stir between his
legs.
 
Dean muttered something out incoherently as Sam’s fist came down again striking
him hard in the face for a third time. Tears ran down his face, not only from
the searing pain that was spreading through his face, but also for the guilt
that his beautiful innocent Sammy knew the truth. Tears mixed with blood as Sam
got off of Dean, not knowing what to do, and feeling only hate and pain as he
looked down at his raw and bleeding fist, his own blood mixed with that of his
brothers. He listened to the quiet mutterings of Dean as he repeated over and
over again “I’m sorry. I love you so much Sammy”, like some mantra that would
take away their pain. But all it did was enrage Sam more.
 
Unable to control himself any longer he reached over grabbing Dean by his hair
pulling him up from the bed and bending down to meet him face to face. “You
fucking love me Dean? Is that it?” Sam shouted into his brother’s woozy face.
He let go of his brothers hair letting him slump back down onto the bed and
then grabbed dean’s arm twisting it behind his back as he forced him face down
bent over the bed. Lust rose up in him mixing with his rage and driving Sam
into a frenzy of passion and violence as something deep inside him screamed out
for satisfaction.
 
Dean was ripped back to consciousness by the sudden pain in his shoulder as Sam
twisted his arm behind his back with brutal force. Bearing his weight down on
top of him, Sam reached under Dean and began to unbuckle Dean’s belt and pants
with a sense of urgency and Dean struggled beneath him. Ripping Dean’s jeans
and boxers down in one swift move Sam laid on top of his struggling brother and
whispered into his ear “So when he’s cock was inside you, did you imagine it
was me?”. Sam used the weight of his own body to hold dean down as he undid his
own pants and got them down to his knees. “Stop this Sammy. Please” Dean
pleaded to his brother, his voice barely audible, over the furious breathing of
his brother in his ear.
 
Taking Dean’s arm tight against his back, Sam pulled away from Dean using his
great size to keep him in pace while he stuck two fingers of his other hand in
his mouth. He glared down at Dean with such anger as Dean said “Sam, don’t do
this” his voice wracked with pain. Sam removed the two fingers from his mouth
and licked them, doing his best to coat them in plenty of saliva, moving them
slowly down to Dean’s muscular ass carefully trying to position them right at
the tight little hole as Dean began to struggle. “No! Sammy! No!” Dean shouted
with as much strength as his aching jaw would allow, right as Sam plunged the
two fingers in, knuckle deep, causing dean to push his face into the mattress
and scream out “FUCK!!!”. Sam twisted his fingers around looking for the soft
bundle of nerves, and began rubbing it gently to make Dean relax a little and
make this easier. “I loved you” Sam said, face wet with tears and sweat.
 
As Sam pulls his fingers from Dean’s ass, Dean feels a sudden emptiness and a
loss of sensation that causes him to slump down turning his head to Sam and say
“I’m sorry Sammy” in a soft tone. Sam worked up the saliva in his mouth spat it
down into the crevice of Dean’s ass and let it slide down into his hole while
rubbing his copious precum over the head of his already hard cock, he leant
down onto Dean and said “so am I Dean”. Bringing the head of his cock up to
Dean’s hole he pushed in slowly but with a steady force until he bottomed out
as Dean groaned out loudly in pain before falling silent again. Sam waited a
few moments to give Dean a chance get used to the pain, and then pulled all the
way out till only the head of his cock was still inside, then pushed back in
with a steady even thrust.
 
Dean just laid there taking the thrust of Sam’s cock as waves of burning pain
radiated through his body, and all he could think was please don’t leave me
Sammy. Sam’s thrusts became harder and faster as he released Dean’s arm and
changed the angle of his cock causing it to brush over Dean’s prostate and send
bolts of pleasure that quickly run straight to Dean’s brain, mixing with his
pain and making his cock stiffen into the mattress.
 
Leaning over Dean, Sam whispered into his ear “Why him?” he slowed his pace and
allowed his body to rest over Dean’s and began kissing the back of Dean’s neck
softly. “You were everything to me Dean and you picked that fucking sadistic
bastard over me” Sam said softly while continue to kiss Dean’s neck. Pushing
himself up again, Sam increased his speed and began pounding his cock furiously
into Dean’s ass grunting out his pleasure while Dean let of soft whimpers of
pleasure and pain.
 
Deep within himself he could feel the knot unwinding feeling satisfied with the
pleasure he was taking from Dean, thrusting harder and deeper looking to loose
himself in his older brother. “Please Sammy” Dean’s words were hitched by the
hard thrust of Sam inside him pushing his achingly hard cock into the mattress
causing him to get lost in the maddening sensations he was feeling. For that
brief moment they were both lost in each other, no more pain or hurting, just
the two of them joined as one. Orgasm ripped Sam back to reality making him
lean back and let out a loud guttural moan, as his balls pulled up into his
body and unleashed hot jets of cum deep into his brother, pushing him over the
edge too. “Love you Sammy” Dean groaned out as his cum spilt on to the mattress
beneath him.
 
Sam collapsed down onto dean breathing heavily as his senses came back to him.
He looked down at his brother’s face, bruised and bleeding, as the realisation
of what he has just done came flooding in. The guilt screamed in his head as he
quickly pulled his softening cock out of Dean causing him to wince. He didn’t
say a word, not even know what he could say to Dean after what he just did, all
he could do was think about how wrong this all was, how he was no better than
his fucked up father, and that he had to leave. He couldn’t even look at Dean,
it hurt too much to think that he loved him so much, but hurt him so badly, the
best thing he could do for both of them both is go far away and never come
back.
 
Still lying their Dean breathed in short shallow breathes, not sure what to do,
what to say. He watched as Sam began grabbing his things and stuffing them into
his duffle bag, not caring about packing things neatly. He moved around the
room, into the bathroom, and around the beds before stopping at the end of
Dean’s bed and looking down at the bruised and broken man that is his brother,
pants still around his knees as the evidence of Sam’s anger leaked down the
crevice of his crack and over his balls. Sam shuddered with regret at the sight
and said “I’m so sorry, Dean” as he turned to head for the door.
 
As Sam reached the door he heard dean shift on the bed and call out to him
“please. Sammy. Don’t go”. Sam stopped hand reaching out for the door as he
turned around to face Dean, who limped towards him holding his pants up around
his waist. The sight broke Sam’s heart as he moved his eyes to the floor and
let out a soft sob, and when dean stopped in front of him and put his hands on
either side of Sam’s head raising it to face him, Sam could not control the
tears that began to stream down his face. “I love you Sammy” Dean said calmly.
“Please don’t go, I can’t lose you again” with those words Dean lost all his
self-control and dropped down to his knees and broke down crying.
 
He’d never seen his brother like this, so vulnerable, so open. The bag dropped
from Sam’s shoulder as he bent down to his older brother to give him the
comfort and protection that Dean had given him on so many occasions. Wrapping
his arms around him he pulled Dean close, sitting on the ground with his back
against the door, allowing Dean to rest his head on Sam’s chest and just cry.
Sam held him tight to him running his fingers through his hair as Dean said
“don’t leave me, Sammy. I need you”. Sam leaned down and kissed Dean on the top
of he’s head and said “I promise Dean. I’m gonna look after you” then pulled
him in closer and finally said “I love you Dean”.
 
After saying nothing for a few minutes Dean lifted his head from Sam’s chest
and said “I only ever wanted to protect this family, I didn’t mean for what
happened with Dad. He was lonely. He missed mom. I just wanted to try and take
away some of that pain”. Sam didn’t say anything, his actions had drained all
his anger and yet he could not forgive his father for what he did to Dean, so
all he did was kiss Dean’s lips, gently so as not cause any pain to his already
battered face.
 
Sam began to get to his feet and help Dean up off the floor, when he said “I
don’t think you’re in any condition for a hunt right now, how about we just
call it a night and get some rest. We can pick it up tomorrow night”. Dean
struggled to his feet and nodded his head in approval, the pain through his
body was diffidently an indication that he was not up for a hunt.
 
As they moved to the bed Dean grabbed Sam’s hand and asked “Sleep with me?” his
voice shaky with doubt, all Sam could do was give him a slight smile and say
“of course”. They began to strip down and Sam had to help Dean out of his
clothes, but as Sam reached to pull down Dean’s boxers, Dean grabbed his hand
and said “no offence dude, but do you mind if we keep our boxes on? I don’t
think I can handle a round two right about now”. Sam chuckled and left his
boxers on, happy that Dean still had a sense of humour after all this, then
climbed into the bed. Dean Climbed in after Sam moving carefully to avoid the
wracking pain in his body, allowing Sam to pull him into his body and rest his
arm over Dean’s body.
 
Sam wanted this more than anything else and he was happy that he had his
brother in his arms, no, he was happy he had the man he loved in his arms. And
that thought brought a smile to his face, so much though that he kissed dean
gently and said “love you Dean” to which Dean replied “love you Sammy” as his
weary body slumped into a deep sleep. Sam looked down at Dean, tears of regret
welling his eyes for the violence he had unleashed on his brother. He loved him
more than anything, and he knew Dean loved him too, but he also knew that soon
he would have to face his father. What was he supposed to do then? He didn’t
know anymore. All he knew was that Dean was his, he wouldn’t let their dad come
between them, no matter what, he would protect Dean. His train of thought was
lost as Dean let out a soft snore that made Sam chuckle, forgetting the
impending dread that was yet to come, so he let out a soft sigh and cuddled
into Dean as he closed his eyes and let sleep take them both.
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